A discussion group I’m in for DID, a member posted the video below about DID. I think this is an amazing find and one of the closest I’ve ever seen that describes me. I’m sharing this here so folks can get a better idea as to what it is and mostly, what it is not.
It took a bit to get through that video. The best explanation I’ve seen in a very long time. The more I related to what she was saying the harder it became for me to stay awake. It’s hard to face up to it.
But a couple of things I’d like to address, I think of all of this as being on a spectrum, with PTSD being one point and DID another point further on the line. Yet, CPTSD is somewhere before DID on this spectrum or crossroads of disassociative traumas. I believe that CPTSD is a part of DID or at least I feel they go hand in hand or one before the other. And the older we get, additional traumas have a chance to morph into CPTSD because it also reinsures due to past traumas.
I really appreciate that she mentioned the rules. I think that is an under-awareness of how much DID is actually built on rules. At least it is for me. Keeping hidden and keeping silent were the top two most important rules. But there are so many other rules, all designed to keep us safe and staying safe was the point of all of this. There is an order to the chaos.
About the whole bag thing, I recall a time before I could interact with the other parts of me. There wasn’t a wall or a bag or a car. It was just empty missing time, the vagueness of emotions, headaches, troubles and lots of confusions with other people and fighting with others. I was on the defensive near constantly. I hadn’t done or said something someone else said I did and I was sure I hadn’t and they were sure I had.
Maybe I’m weird but the bag thing doesn’t quite work for me. I think of myself like a giant with people inside who want control of the giant so we’ve gotten into body fights rather severe enough to land us into the floor because it became a free for all. And switching is rather sudden with massive headaches, sneaky as in waking up different, blinking – yeah literally blink and that’s all it takes- those tend to produce the worse headaches when switching out again or most recently, chair riders, having another ridding on your shoulder, sharing your mental space, eyes and ears.
I think there isn’t going to be a one size fits all sort of answer to what fits and what doesn’t in DID. I feel there is a sort of healing progression as well. I went from not having a clue to getting a clue to massive fights to settling down, to communicating and learning what we need as a system, to working on individual issues and problems.