Unexpected Pleasures

Why not bring back Gratitude Fridays? As a writing practice, I’ve found it to be a positive one. Particularly as it induces a cheerful mood for the weekends. Hmm, maybe I should move it to Mondays to induce a cheerful mood for the week? What do you think?

With this move, a lot of my little routines have fallen by the wayside. My journaling, although I have to admit that fell by the wayside quite a bit a go and I’m just now returning to it. Routines are difficult for me to maintain.

Yet today I want to share my appreciation of my husband. Of all the men I know, I am thankful it’s he that’s with me.

Last night we went out to a Thai restaurant for dinner. Both of us had never had Thai but were eager to try it.  Wow.  We ordered potstickers, he got Bangkok street noodles and I got red curry with chicken. We were both blown away with the flavors. The potstickers were a familiar taste but the dipping sauce and the dressing on the side salad were outstanding.

When the entrees arrived and we dug it, both of us were frozen in tasters delight. Every single bite was appreciated. I’ve never had a meal where eating and tasting was so pleasurable. And then there was dessert, ice cream with fried bananas.

My first bite, I was lost. For about 30 seconds I was transported to a world of flavor and sensations and that was all that existed as I orgasmed from a single bite.  That wasn’t plain vanilla ice cream. It was some sort of vanilla-ish coconut ice milk paired with fritter fried bananas drizzled with a lightly sweet sauce. It was exquisite.

I’ve never experienced anything like that in my life. My mouth and tongue pleasured beyond what I thought was possible. And I got to share this with someone just as entranced by it all as I was, which doubled my pleasure.

Companionship on adventures counts for a whole hell of a lot.  And so does finding unexpected pleasures and appreciating every moment of them.

May you find a way to make your taste buds tingle and your palate dance.

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Posted in Life

Trains, Planes and me oh my!

Sometimes life is pure comedy. Saturday morn came and found me still awake having been kept up by my sister’s friend. Hindsight says it was fortuitous as my alarms were not set properly. And hindsight says it was also pointless as the day turns out.

Got to the train station, waited for the train and said my tearful goodbyes to my sister. I got on board the quite car and settled in happily. Everything seems to go smoothly as I was writing and musing on my expected long goodbye to the East Coast. Until that is, the train stopped and went backwards. The announcement – trip was canceled. And I was screwed. Just that quick – screwed.

Turns out something happened in Richmond Va during the night and no trains could go past and thus my train was stuck. The mood in the cabin sunk as folks grumbled and got off the train and lit up the switchboard.

I had hoped they would bus me to my next destination. That was dashed repeatedly.  Made the phone calls, did everything I could to stay upbeat. That wasn’t hard, this was a comedy farce. All I could was smile, shake my head, shrug and proclaim to all – This is an adventure!

Proceed the flurry of texts – arrangements for transportation – reviewing every train schedule all the while cracking jokes with the reps working with me. In the end, I called it. I had to take the plane. There was no other reasonable choice left.

So off to another adventure! I had been avoiding taking the plane for well – ever. So, I swallowed down my fear, just like I do every time I ride a roller coaster. I grinned, took a deep breath and blew it out as the plane taxied down the runway and barreled into the sky like a rocket! I grinned. I wanted to scream with laughter!  Even watching from the window as the ground grew smaller, I was giddy. Exhilarating!

Although commercial plane seats suck, I enjoyed the trip. Even got told later I gone through some bad turbulence, it made me chuckle. I have spent way too much time playing FX to think what I experienced was “bad.” I understood where I was on the tarmac and understood every pop and vibration.  I could see in my mind’s eye what the pilot was doing, where his hands were and what all he was doing. And now I’m convinced I need to go for my pilot’s license – just because it’s fun and I really do enjoy it.

Arizona is hot. There is no doubt about it. Yet I am finding I am liking it here more and more. I actually do go outdoors more now and far more willingly too.  The lack of high humidity is a blessing.  It’s taken me a few day to adjust to the altitude. It’s going to take me a lifetime to adjust to what the grocery stores have in stock. My biggest complaint – there is no fatback anywhere.  A great many of my dishes rely on it for seasoning as a little goes a long way.

I am a long way from all I have ever known. Into the Unknown, I go!

 

Posted in Life

Today

In a little bit, after posting this I’ll be pulling out my router and returning it to the company. In a little bit, I’ll be walking around seeing what else I need not forget. In a little bit, I’ll be undoing all the last threads that keep me here in this place, in this state. In a little bit, I’ll be finished and then waiting for hours to pass.

I have less than 24 before I board the train.  Less than 24 and time is crawling so slow. I’m a bundle of nerves.

I don’t know what the future holds. And I’m okay with it.  I know I’m going to be three days offline and out of touch. I know when I do arrive, I’m going to be balls to the walls on so many things. It’s an adventure!

And it feels weird. This place, this state has been home to generations of ancestors from before the founding of the country, and I’m leaving the ancestral home. I keenly feel the roots here and I’m uprooting myself to head west.

I know all that I’m going to miss – the green that’s so vibrant here and my trees that have comforted me. I’m leaving the safety of the forest and I feel it deeply. I’m an East Coaster by blood. I’m as much a part of this land as it’s a part of me.

Now I am leaving. Who will I be?

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Flashbacks and Panic Attacks

I watched in shock as my vision narrowed into a pinpoint of light as if the shutters had closed the aperture. His hand squeezed harder around my throat, draining me of life. I made no effort to stop him, knowing I was going to die. All for a careless comment.

My life was his to do with. I lived or died by his actions. I was at peace and felt no fear, just shock of it all. This was going to be a senseless death. When he let go, he shoved me into the door and I barely sucked in air. Crumpled into the ground I went. My vision was still black, slowly turning into sepia shapes so blurry. I felt nothing, not even relief in being alive.

He let me go that time. Let me run back to my father’s house, to the illusion of safety. I never spoke of it till now. I can still feel the way his hand flexed around my throat. I can still feel him searching for my fear as he did. He craved that rush, that sweet hit of power, of control. And I knew it.

If I had shown fear, I’d be dead. If I had faked fear, I’d be dead. Acceptance pissed his ass off and he took it out on my body all the while trying to carve scars in my soul. He needed to break me before I found my strength. He failed in the end.

 

“I am not there”

The sting remains, clawing, tearing me apart
“I am not there” I whisper
Tears batter against the wind, the marks reappear
“I am not there” I whisper
Throat closes shut, choking as I gasp for breathe
“I am not there” I whisper
Light swims and twinkles fading into black
“I am not there” I whisper
Pain rings louder than my heartbeat, knowing I’m going to die
“I’m not there” I whisper
“I’m here in this now” I whisper curling my toes in the grass.

 

also posted here.
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Got the dancing ants

I feel like I’ve got ants in my pants.  I’m in the home stretch, six days before I board a train to the future.  One more day to play Tetris with packing.  I don’t even know when my next meal is going to be. Well, I could eat pizza for the next six days. I’m already sick of it. I’m ready to go. It feels weird. I’m going to miss this place. I’m only leaving with one regret; not being able to visit my mother’s grave one last time. But I know she’ll understand.  I know exactly where her soul is. And that little secret bubbles me with happiness.

Life is for living and loving. That is what makes everything so rewarding.

I would love to keep this blog updated on my progress but I won’t be able too. My phone is being a twerp and geeked out on me. Half my apps don’t work anymore. And sending in posts via e-mail while on a train – hehe- good luck! Maybe I can get Twitter installed on my phone again.

Here I am writing as if there was someone out there who’d worry about me. I know it’s silly but it makes me feel better.  I’m excited and I’m scared all at the same time. I wish time would hurry up as it’s going oh so turtle slow. I’m ready to leave this place that’s not my home anymore.

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Tiny Epiphanies

Huh. Forgiveness doesn’t take away the hurt. That’s time’s job. It’s just we don’t live long enough for time to complete it. What Forgiveness does, it takes away the stick we use to beat ourselves and others up with and sets it out of reach.

Posted in Life

Stress level – Grawlix

Do you know the story “Could be good, could be bad”? I’m feeling that sentiment big time today. Right on the calm edge of watchfulness, ‘could be good, could be bad.‘  I won’t say much about specifics as it’s about legals and our current situation of moving.

I’m just blinking hard at all of this. Stunned to the point where I want to ask the Universe, ‘just what did I do to piss in your coffee?‘ I am sure that this isn’t a personal issue between me and the powers that be. Funny how I personify nexuses of change sometimes as personal affronts to our being.  I’m fairly sure I am not the only person guilty of doing so.

Nexus of change. Hmm. I think I failed to do proper divination before spell work again. lol If only it was that simple. Well, let me get back to pulling out the furniture by myself. I’m still packing out.

Posted in Life