I just need to talk today. So I’m going to talk.
I’m having a hard time squaring a few things about me, my sexuality, my kink. I’m finding that my view of slavery and of marriage simply does not square at all. It would have if I had managed to marry a Master. But I didn’t so I have obligations to my husband and children. And none of this squares with how I view M/s relationships at all. Hell, I tried. I figured that online – long distance – telephone only relationships were a bit more of a D/s than M/s and that would be all I could reasonably handle. I’ve failed at that too.
My inner editor is screaming for an explanation of what M/s is to me. Maybe I should say O/p instead or internal enslavement. Maybe I should just name drop – Tanos. I ran across Tanos’ website long after I was married and back then it resonated with me hard. But back then I thought my head was on straight when it’s clear now it’s never been.
This just won’t square no matter how many times I squish it.
And I do not like what I see as choices. For all that I’ve done hunting for the elusive unseen “other” choice, I have not found it. I can’t split the difference. This is my Kobayashi Maru and I am no Kirk.