I hit a stress level of 13 today. I hurt all over. My head hurts. I still have the sads even if it was a fairly productive day. I smoked one cig I bummed off my sister.
I had to lay down mid-day just so I could calm down. I’ve been alternating between breathing and trying to talk myself off the ledge. I’m under pressure and totally stressed. I’m having trouble focusing and keeping on track. Takes way to long to figure out what’s next in this pattern.
It’s embarrassing to say but thumb sucking is helping me calm down. And no I was never a thumb sucker as a child. It was introduced to me as a calming tool. It works. I’m using it.
My emotions are all over the place. Nothing steady. Oh, I forgot to mention – I’m packing up the house as we are moving out of state. I’ve got about a week left to be packed out. And it’s only me working on all this. I don’t feel I’m handling this well. And it’s not like anyone can handhold me during this either but damn if I don’t want that.
I read something earlier day about, um ..staying the course, doing what needs to be done for in the present moment and just wait for the Universe to do it’s thing. I keep drifting back to it. It’s a calming thought too.