The word of the day is: vulnerability.

I’m the drill sergeant of the house. I bring order and strictness and I strive to do so fairly. But I’ve stayed away, peaking in only when things reach intolerable levels. Mostly because lying in the past are huge issues between me and my husband. It’s hard for me to get past the idea that he hates me. I haven’t given him a chance to prove otherwise.

Last night I took my little ones back to school for the student-led parent teacher conference. I was just sitting on Isa’s shoulder listening in, chiming in with a comment now an’ then. My littlest was excited and exuberant to show off her work. But my oldest was solemn and already hiding things. Turns out she’s been having a very rough time of things. Because of the way her rough times showed, it was clear to me that this one responded better when I was fronting!

This really brought me up short. I have a lot of emotions just hidden under the surface. I talked to my husband about this. He understands and he also understands this is needed for her and has nothing to do with Us and him.

I have to bare my vulnerabilities openly now. And I pray, I hope and I wish my husband and my girls can accept me, even this part of me without rejection.

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About autumnzephyr2014

Digital artist. Poet. member of the "Peanut Gallery"
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2 Responses to The word of the day is: vulnerability.

  1. Good luck! I hope your family can accept you! It’s terrible not to be accepted by one’s own family.

    I’m curious why you haven’t given your husband a chance to prove that he doesn’t hate you?

    • autumnzephyr2014 says:

      For a long time any time I was out, I fought him over everything and anything. It didn’t help I came out when Isa was hurt. So I struck back hard. I did a lot of damage to him too. By the time I started putting the puzzle pieces together it made sense to pull back. We never got along in the first place. Why I haven’t given him that chance? Because he does hate me and I wish he didn’t. I find it fitting, a protector who’s afraid of getting hurt is what I am. I don’t want to be hurt again. But I’m needed, just not by him.

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