What are the things I learned as a child?

I learned that gifts would be taken away thus I learned to refuse them first.

I learned that I owned nothing thus I would watch my most precious possessions given away and I learned to hide that which was most precious to me.

I learned that I was powerless to those in charge of me thus I learned my words and thoughts meant nothing.

I learned that it was the wants of others that would always affect my life thus I learned to read people in an effort to give them what they needed before they asked.

I learned that things of the world were sinful thus I learned all my childish wants were as well.

I learned that participation was being a part of the world thus I learned to watch and stand apart from everything.

I learned that there was no one there for me thus I learned to only rely on myself as I was truly alone.

I learned that my presence was undesired thus I learned to wait in the shadows, hiding not hoping for a kindness.

I learned that kindness always had a price thus I learned that paying that price was often too costly.

I learned that love was just a word thus I learned to mistrust words and watch actions instead.

I learned that my childish joy brought pain thus I learned to bury my joys and not experience them openly.

I learned that I could trust no one thus I learned I could not even trust myself.

I learned that I was little in a world of bigs thus I learned to walk unseen.

These were painful lessons and they are causing havoc on my life.