She walks into the room. A circle of chairs dominate the room. In the center of the room, the chairs are arranged in a circle with one softer chair near the middle. Everyone sat waiting to begin. A soft lyrical voice from the soft chair spoke “Thank you for coming tonight. To get started, let’s go around the room, introduce yourself and say a little bit about what brings you here.” Smiling eyes touch encouragingly around the room and the speaker turns to the left “How about we start with you?”
Nervously I look up and clear my throat, nodding slightly as I prepare to speak “I’m Autumn and I am a contrarian. I have been afraid of being myself all these many long years and I ignored my sacred calling. I am learning how to be myself. I am not embracing my contrarianism.” I lower my head afterwords and peek though my eyelashes as I wait for the next person to speak.
The above has never happened– unless you consider how circular the room is in the blogosphere, then perhaps it is happening right now. I am a contrarian. This means I fight against the flow and it is innate in me as breathing. Being a contrarian is a life of hardships and wonders.
Wikipedia states “A contrarian is a person who takes up a contrary position, especially a position that is opposed to that of the majority, regardless of how unpopular it may be. Contrarian styles of argument and disagreement have historically been associated with radicalism and dissent.”
And that is the essence of how my family views me— the devil’s advocate, nine times out of ten.
Yet, fear paralyzed my voice. Nothing is as painful as the fear of rejection, especially when the one doing the rejecting is yourself. It would be easier if I wasn’t a contrarian. I would be able to smile and nod and talk in agreement with everyone. I wouldn’t rub folks wrong because I would not offer opposing viewpoints. But it’s not an honest life or a happy one.
Accepting who I am at the core, healing, self-love is a balm to my wounds. I have learned to minimize some of the negative side effects to being a contrarian and remain true to myself. Well, we’ll see how well I’ve learned. I’ve freed my voice and I’ve a lot to say.