I’ve been reading this one blog since it came out. A lot of things have disturbed me in reading it. And so I am putting this out there because I believe she needs support from the community at large. I believe she needs to hear other voices, not just my own. It won’t take long to catch up. But I am seriously wondering where one draws the line on a lot of issues such as abuse, punishment, help and support, age, and the narrow view that all of us readers and bloggers have in the private lives of others.
None of us can know the whole truth of what we bloggers blog about and that is what keeps me from commenting so often. I read and think. Sometimes I have to speak. This one, I have to speak and bring to awareness. Even so, I urge support.
My response to this posting is as follows:
I don’t agree with public shaming which is what I took this whole exercise to be but I am going to assume that somehow support will come your way in this. I am going to assume you don’t want to fall into the same behaviours all over again. I am going to assume you desire to change, for yourself.
You already know you have a problem and it really doesn’t have a thing to do with cheating. It has everything to do with you and how you feel and what you want.
I hope you take a moment away from everyone and sit down with just yourself and get to know who you are deep inside. Explore the scars and wounds of your life, learn to love yourself. Learn to forgive yourself. Learn to take responsibility for your life, your choices and your actions. Being a Slave in no way excuses you of that! In fact it adds to the responsibilities you already have.
Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t take on a label thinking that’s all you’re ever going to be, no matter the label. Learn to put up boundaries, healthy boundaries.Become self aware, notice your emotions as they pass through you. You are not your emotions. You can sit back and watch them pass by. You can sit back and watch the urges leave. You can sit back and take a second look at the whole situation and choose differently. You have to give yourself permission to grow, to heal, to change. But you have to want it, want to grow and change for the better.
You are so so so young. Life is still ahead of you in all it’s full glory. So quit beating yourself up. You are going to make mistakes. But has no one told you; mistakes are just learning lessons? They are and it doesn’t matter how old you are, mistakes will still be make.
There is a reason for each time you ‘cheated.’ You say it was to make yourself feel better, low self esteem and all that jazz. You wanted it, wanted to be touched, to be desired, to feel excitement, you wanted it even though you risked losing much. You put yourself in a powerless position..’just going along with it.” Why? Do you think you have no power, that you are helpless to the desires of men or to your own?
Being a Slave isn’t about being powerless at all. It’s about power. You have to be powerful to even begin to give away that power. Don’t think that being assertive and successful means you can not be a Slave. That’s not true. You need to know yourself and what you want in life before you can bend your will to another’s. You must have control of your will, or your personal power way before giving it to another.
I don’t frankly care how many guys you might have kissed or what not. I only care that your own behavior is distressing to you. You need support. You need a support network of understanding submissives. I know how hard it is to stand up for yourself. I know how hard it is to put yourself first with all your being is screaming to put others first. I know how hard it is to back up and put up walls against others. I know because I am a Slave to my Master.
You’re not alone. You’re not the first Slave to ever make mistakes. And damn, don’t sweat the small stuff because this is the small stuff.