One of the interesting things I’ve learned about Poly is that there are numerous love matches to be made, each with high degree of compatibility for a good comfortable lifetime partnership. It’s turned the whole idea of true love, the one and only on it’s head for me. How can there be just one person for me when there are this many people in the world? Just taking a good look at probability, I really think debunks the myth of finding that true love.
But having so many choices of good strong compatibility matches does make things a wee bit more difficult if one is wanting to settle down with a lifetime partnership. Strength of personal character and knowing what you want out of life is crucial. Anything less can lead to disappointment, regrets and resentments.
Growing up I knew I wanted to be a mother and a wife. In fact, that was the only choices I had due to my parents influences and religion. And I had a lot more growing up to do after I became an adult. I had to learn who I was, without the guilt, without the pressure to conform. And I didn’t come into that knowledge until after I was married. From reading other’s poly blogs and books over the years, I think a lot of us take a little bit longer in finding out what we truly want out of a partnership.
Turns out, I prefer triad poly relationships. That’s where I feel the most comfortable, the most loved, where I’d say about 90% of my needs are met if I am with the right people. I do quite well with quad relationships as well but there is a bit of a down side for me as it’s easy to just pair off again. When I think about probabilities of finding matches for triad’s or quad’s, the numbers drop dramatically. It makes sense. Socially, polyamory is still on the fringes, still a bit taboo, a black sheep in the whole family of human society.
It’s a harsh world out there and it’s a challenge to get your needs met. It is so important to be able to be happy in a single relationship even if what you really need is more. Because finding that special someone who might be looking too is going to take some time. Yet it’s a good time to be poly. Social networks gives all off us access to vast amounts of people. The internet connects us to each other and shrinks our huge world. It’s possible now to find that love match instead of pining away a lifetime unfulfilled.
The search starts from within, from knowing what you want, expect and need. Having the character of strength and honesty to stand up and say, “yes, I am a person who loves more than one” and go out searching for them is amazing.
I think everyone deep down wants to be needed, wanted and loved. We all seek that connection to some degree with each other. And some of us are overflowing with it.
Simply asking; “Love me?”