I’ve been here a while puttering about and adding bits and pieces to this blog over the years. Even porting it from one site to another before landing here at WordPress to enjoy total contentment of the structure and ease of writing. I signed up to do the blogging challenge with The Daily Post and the first post is a simple one; Introduce Yourself.
I did that a long time ago. Even added more to the pages here about myself. But that’s not the point. That was the me who posted, oh so many years ago. I have changed, the blog’s focus has changed and come back together. I’m not the same person anymore. I have grown.
So who am I and what am I doing here?
Well, I am Isabella LeCour. I am an empowered woman. I carry so many labels; eclectic Pagan, Mother of two, writer, poetess, bi-sexual, polyamous, kinky as hell, and a lover of life. I started writing to hone my skills. Back then, I’m talking years and years ago…before the internet, I started keeping journals in which I kept every little thing that crossed my mind, though the pencil onto the paper. It was cathartic, healing, a comfort in bad times and it was something that is very much a part of who I am. I write.
I write here mostly for myself, ah well that’s not quite true. I’ve censoring myself here for a long time. I think my long time readers know this too. I’ve avoided topics that make me uncomfortable, topics that just don’t quite feel right to hear myself talk about. I wrote to keep writing, to be heard, to be read because it is my passion. But in doing so I’ve cut myself away from the very things readers like reading. It’s time that’s changed.
I had envisioned this blog to be a platform of self discovery. For the most part, it has served that service very well for me. I’ve learned that I am too often concerned about how others take my words. Taken to the extreme, it leads to self censorship.
Seeking Sanctuary was envisioned as a blog about seeking that place of safety no matter the storms that comes in one’s life. It’s about my journey as I seek my place of Sanctuary. It’s about coming to own what one believes in. It’s about never giving up when things knock you down. It’s about still being able to fully love after the most shattering of heart breaks. It’s about being able to pick yourself up after you just cracked all over the place. It’s about the search for the silver lining in the storm clouds. It’s about putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. It’s about the power of Hope. It’s about the story I’ve never told.
It’s time for me start telling my real story.
I was born back in ’77…..naw..I’m not going to start out that way. Too long, too dry, too typically normal. But in many ways my early childhood was typically normal for a white middle class suburban American. And that’s where normal ends for me. And no quips about normal being a setting on the dryer either!
As a childhood sexual abuse survivor, it does get tough to talk more than dry facts of my life. It’s equally tough to say I was also a motherless child and one that became more parent than child to my biological father and a surrogate mother to my sisters. It is far easier to discuss the unusual religious upbringing I had when my mother was alive and to discuss the amount of cultural shock I went through when she died and everything I held dear was turned upside down.
It’s come close to impossible to admit I suffer from depression. Strangely, I can admit I have PTSD from the sexual abuse and from domestic violence and it’s aftermath. I can easily admit I have sexual hangups and issues to this day regarding the past. But it frightens me to stand here and say I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, DID for short. It frightens me to say, yes I have problems. But I have no problem saying I’m still looking forward, moving forward, still picking up the pieces and will not give up Hope.
I’ve come a long way already. I’ve broken from the chains of my religious upbringing to be just who I am. My sexual identity, the way my heart works even my spirituality is all a blossoming of freedom. My freedom to make my own choices and to live the life that makes me smile. It’s such a simple thing. Almost everyone takes being able to make choices for granted. I was not raised to have choice, or a voice, or an opinion, or hopes and dreams. Having a choice is precious. And I choose to be a Dream Chaser. I choose to follow what makes me smile.
That is what this blog is about; my journey of seeking that place where I feel most at peace with myself. It is I, who is Seeking Sanctuary. I am grateful to all of you to be with me on this journey as we spin so fast around the sun, living our lives seeking each our own sanctuary’s.