I grew up with an affinity for animals as spiritual guides in this life. My father still has a close connection with crows. I remember watching him talk to a murder of crows and they would talk back. They would tell him things and stories. It always amazed me. Crows are great gossips. I’ve heard them talk of what’s going on, of the cat that’s stalking about, laughing at the squirrels, warning of the falcon flying overhead, to the good morning calls. It’s made a deep and lasting impression on me. Any time I see a single crow watching me I wonder if I father is spying on me. Such is my father.
My mother was devoutly Christian so I know she would not appreciate my observations here. In the last years of her life she had what bordered on an obsession with Kola Bears in stuffed plushy form. She collected over a hundred of them to the dismay of my father. I’m not sure she even knew why she felt such a strong connection with kola bears. I wonder if in some way she was seeking those attributes of the kola for her self, of calmness, patience and serenity.
I associate owls with my mother far more than I do kola bears. One of my prized possessions from her is a set of 70’s era plaster owls that have been in my mothers home as long as I can remember. My mother hung them in her bathroom for what seems like forever. There they sat watching with wise eyes for us to look upon anytime we had to spend more than a moment there. For me it became a meditation as I wondered what those eyes saw, what the spirit and life of an owl was like and to wonder if the bright light of the bathroom lamps made their eyes water like mine during the night. I made a home for them in my kitchen where they can now watch over everyone with those same wide eyes of wisdom.
A few weekend’s ago I was speaking with my beloved about his spirit guides / totems and learned a few things that night about mine. I knew one of his guides, suspected the second and was surprised by the third. All in all it describes him very well, so very fitting. His plans, his dreams, his aspirations of himself is all there to examine in the guides he reveres.
But I’ve always had a problem with claiming a totem. To me a totem is a spirit that’s bonked one on the head much like when a teacher chastises a reluctant student. This doesn’t mean I have felt an affinity and deep respect with animals. I’ve always had an affinity with wolves. I respect them deeply with reverence. I have pictures of wolves displayed in my home and a few figurines. I feel a connection, a kinship with them.
I have a stronger connection with the turtle. But it’s not just any turtle but the sea turtle, loggerhead to be specific. I’ve taken the turtle to be more of a totem for me because of the stronger emotional connection. In part because of Gaia as I see the turtle as her personal symbol, as being a part of her mythos and reminder of the creation of the world. I’ve wore turtle jewelry in my devotion of Gaia.
But that night I saw a grey fox and was struck with an unshakable sense of rightness, of incoming change and the smack across my head to pay attention. This wasn’t the first time I’ve seen a fox. Each time I have my path has become much more treacherous and I’ve retreated inside my shell. I had thought what I saw was a coyote as said as much. Those eyes turned and looked at me and I felt such a wave of offensive to be considered a coyote, I was stunned. It was a grey fox and this time I’m paying attention. What are the lessons Fox is intending to teach me?