My thoughts turn to the past….

 

In Remembrance.

 

There are plenty of words I want to say. I don’t know where to begin. I have hidden my loss for many long years now. Never speaking of it and just nursing my wounds. I was just six weeks along. But I knew I was pregnant and I knew what happened. I didn’t feel that anyone would believe me. I wanted that child that would have been.  Why do I only now speak of this? Because I have been released from guilt. I was forgiven for not carrying longer, even though the fault is not mine or anyone’s. I was even forgiven for not telling the father, even after all these long years. Losing what could have been has colored my life.
I still grieve. I still remember. I still love.

Phantom Child of Mine

Unborn Child, hanging in the balance,
of love and life, its heart beats on,
fully formed and strong, waiting, wanting.

Worried mother of youth, passes her hands
over her swollen womb, thoughtfully
wondering about the miracle of life, entranced.

Unconcerned father, living and never knowing
of his child; endangered without
his presence, lost to him, always.

Unborn Child of Mine,
life can not wait for ever,

So sweet child of love, forgive me now,
I never knew what life was without
you,

because you were never born.

written Oct 18, 1996

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About Isabella LeCour

She is nothing more than the collections of thoughts placed into the virtual worlds. She is a poet, a mother, a lover, many things to different people. But mostly, she is nothing but smoke and mirrors - some ethereal thing that blinks in an out of existence.
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