I can’t help but wonder if DH is reading this blog. He came home today with the express intention to spend time with the kids. Shocked the hell out of me it did. This is the very thing that I’ve been complaining about here. I am not complaining that he is making an effort.
But I do wonder. I can’t find any trace that anyone, anyone at all is reading this. I guess my feelings and issues are just floating on the breeze and somehow getting lodged in his brain. Hey, whatever works.
He still has an incredible selfish streak. He still wants his time on the computer, kids or no kids. He is still thinking that he can ignore them whenever he wants and that I’ll be the one watching them. Part time parent hood is not something I find acceptable in a father. So far he’s a decent baby sister. All the parenting decisions have really been left up to me.
I’m finding that I’m having to grow a backbone just to stay on track with the girls. I’m having to carve out a routine from thin air just so some normalcy can be kept. My girls respond so well with routine. Things are so much easier when everyone knows what to expect and when. I am so grateful for Supernanny. That show has reinforced in me that I can raise my girls on my own if need be and to do so successfully. It has shown me how important it is to have a plan and to stick with it. I can point and say, “See, she did it and so I can I. I just need your cooperation on this.”
Aside from all that, today has been upsetting. I got a call from A. Looks like I will be losing my oso to circumstances beyond our control. I don’t know when it’s going to happen but I’ve always know that this could happen. How am I going to go on without the love of my life? This just hurts. He has to do what he must and I truly wish him the best. I feel like I’m going to be an unavoidably single duet again.