Taking a few hits

The last few days have been hard on me. First I get hit with depression and then I get sick. I’m just starting to feel better…at least the fever broke today. 

I ate some moldy bread in a sandwich {pb&j} day before yesterday and it tore me up. I didn’t know it was moldy and unfortunately it was the white stringy power mold. Not too good and I ate it just before it bloomed in the bag which means I got it when it was still growing. I hate to think what would have happened if I ate it after it bloomed. I lost everything in my stomach and couldn’t hold down water or even coffee. I skipped an entire day of eating. I still had to take care of Emy….hubby was at work. 😦  We did ok..I just kept her off my tummy.  Put her in the bassinet when I had to puke. Good thing I got the mirror, she played with it while I was busy. Thank Goddess.

Today I’ve run a fever all day for the most part and only have it break and spike again. At least today I can eat. I’ve gotten plenty of rest thanks to my hubby. Sleep does a body good. I sleep half the day after sleeping all night. I’m shocked I’m not so sore from sleeping. Hell I still wake up every time she cries even if daddy is taking care of her.

But I wish that was all I was going threw. I’m somewhere near the bottom again, I think.  I can never be too sure with depression. I cycle in an out of it. Sometimes I think I’ve hit bottom and I haven’t.  Me writing in a blog tends to make me think I haven’t or perhaps I’m coming back out of it. 

I really hate being like this. Because of the medications I’m on for DIV I can’t take my herbs. I could really use some St. Johns Wort right about now.

I’ve tried to control it. This time at least it didn’t hit when Emy was in the hospital. I know it’s not postpardum, I’d expect that to have hit with more power if it was going to. This is just my hormones getting back out of wack again. I can expect all the wacky things my body does. 

No wonder I loved being pregnant.

Well I’ll be working on my safeguards yet again. I don’t want her to grow up watching her mommy get the funks like I watched my mom.


About Isabella LeCour

She is nothing more than the collections of thoughts placed into the virtual worlds. She is a poet, a mother, a lover, many things to different people. But mostly, she is nothing but smoke and mirrors - some ethereal thing that blinks in an out of existence.
This entry was posted in Motherhood. Bookmark the permalink.