Long time ago in a world different than my own, I was claimed by the Gods. lol Childhood does a lot to set what a child thinks in later years. Basically I’ve always had a deep seated attraction to magic, divination and the various Gods. I never did understand why there was one God who claimed to be the only God when it was clear to me that He was not. It was equally clear to me that even my parents didn’t quiet follow all the rules even though they did try. Some of the rules just can’t be done in today’s age.
By the time I was 14 I wanted to dedicate my life to the Gods and I thought that I could do so by being baptized. At this point, I wasn’t a Pagan but a struggling Christian. I struggled with the rules and the ideas and the dogma within Christianity. No matter what I did or thought; my own thoughts were just so off from everyone else, even from my family that I was living a completely different version of reality.
So time passes and at my first baptism attempt I walk out of the Church. I rejected them because they were a speaking in tongues and full of drama. I couldn’t emerge from that pool without them expecting some sort of blabber. I try again when I was 20. Found a nice little church, start attending, went to bible study…ect ect. I participated in the church. The urge strikes again. So I sign up for baptism classes; complete the class and the day comes. No jitters, no nervousness, just calm acceptance. Then it was over. I was wet and I felt empty. What more could I say.
Then the urge to learn more about this religion takes hold like a fire that was banked down now stirred up. I consume books after books. I stay with bible study and still was very confused. Then I get my hands on a single book that changes my life forever. Midway through reading, I toss the offending book across the room. Now my family knows I have a deep reverence for books. For me to up and toss a book, it was serious and it was a first. It’s not a habit.
I felt hurt, offended, burned and abused. That book tore the veil from my eyes and I saw what That God is. I can not go back to Him, not now and not ever. So what was the book? “History Of God: The 4000-Year Quest of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam” If you read it, it can change your life. It changed mine, it will test the strength of your faith.
Some of my issues are from a Protestant perspective with a dash of biblical literally and inerrantincy; thanks to my parents. The rest of my issues with Christianity is because I trust my own mind and I trust my own feelings. I find blind faith dangerous.
Now I was in the middle of a spiritual crisis.