Thoughts

Things have been going good. Emy is getting bigger by the day. No patern yet emerging for her sleep. Sometimes she’s asleep for three to four hours, rarely five. In the afternoon she tends sleep a bit longer but it doesn’t really help me out. I still have to stay awake. I do worry about her development. I’m not sure what milestones she should be hitting now.

She’s gotten better at holding her head up when we hold her upright. She’s even taken to grabbing my pentacle and curling her fingers in daddy’s hair. I try to get her to grab the passy from time to time. Sometimes her hands hold it for a few moments, not really grasping it. She’s starting to talk more, I hear coos and cries now. She definitely has a lot of expression in her. She’s so beautiful. Even her smiles are lighting up the room. There are more of them now, not just when she’s sleeping or passing gas. I think she does smile on her own now, when I sing to her or when daddy is talking to her. Sometime it’s spontaneous.

I’m overwhelmed by her. She’s my daughter. A child I thought I’d never have, that would never exist. So wanted, so needed and she’s here. I am still sorrowed over her birth into this world. The risk was just so high. I think I will always miss not keeping her in the womb. We were just gaining and deepening the connection before she was born. Her presence was inside of me, a part of me yet not. It was wonderful and sweet. I loved carrying her and I miss it and I miss what I didn’t get to do. I am so thankful for her life. So thankful she’s stubborn and that she fought hard. It’s been worth everything to me.

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About Isabella LeCour

She is nothing more than the collections of thoughts placed into the virtual worlds. She is a poet, a mother, a lover, many things to different people. But mostly, she is nothing but smoke and mirrors - some ethereal thing that blinks in an out of existence.
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