I find sharing stressful feelings a bit tough. In all of this I’m trying to keep my stress down and to keep upbeat and happy. I know that if I invest a lot of negative emotions to this I’ll never be able to look back and see happiness instead of trauma. I have no desire to have my daughters first few months of life remembered as traumatic. So If I don’t write often, don’t worry, I’m just digesting what’s going on and trying to keep upbeat.
On to the really late update;
She had her ROP eye surgery two weeks ago. That was stressful for both of us. She had a reaction to the sedative they gave her. They had to give her the reversal agent to correct it. The doctor who looked wore out when I saw him said that it’s a rare reaction but it does happen. It’s just a minor miracle that she was intubated before they started. That reaction would have made intubating tougher. She reacted to the laser causing them to stop and start the treatment to bring up her heart rate. They kept her continuously bagged, poor thing. She was knocked out for quite a while.
She’s doing so much better now. It took a few day for her to wake up and a few days after that to ween off the ventilator again. Then a few more stressful days to her slowly returning to full feeds. She’d cry before her feeding time in the most pitiful way. It broke my heart to hear her and know she wasn’t going to be fed early and with any more than the doc ordered.
That was hard for me to accept or handle.
Now she’s a good 4lbs 13oz and gaining. She was off the nasal cannula but she back on it with fairly low settings, 21% o2 @ 1L pressure. Her feedings are up to 60mls now. Yah!! She been allowed to PO feed twice a day. I go in the afternoons to do so. It’s the best part of my day, holding her, feeding her. She gets so awake then, turning her head and eyes all around. Heck she has a fit if she sees me and realizes that I’m taking her out yet. It’s like she’s upset that shes isn’t in my arms yet.
I’ve got less than 20 days left till my due date(June 11) and I’m ready to bring her home. She’s not quite ready to come home yet and please don’t tell her when she’s gets older, that right now she’s calling the shots. The main thing that has me worried is her spiting up, almost every feeding. I’m still learning to judge amounts and right now I don’t have a firm handle on how much she’s spitting out. It looks like a lot to me. I’m also starting to learn all over again, that a part of me will permanently be worried.