Intro post to a Paranting fourm: Kinda explains what happened

I’ve been lurking on this forum sense I found out I was pregnant. Only a few days ago did I sign up because I really need to someone to hear.

Emily Ann was born March 1, 2007 at 10:27pm at 26wks gestation. She weighed only 2lbs 2.3oz. It wasn’t a high risk pregnancy, yes it was my first and I’m only 29 years old. I ate three meals a day, she wouldn’t let be otherwise. I took my vids and even quit smoking. It was a fairly pleasant pregnancy until “it.” happened. I was having discharge and cramps and so doc on call referred me to the OB-GYN Triage. And from there the ball starting rolling downhill. Two and half days later, Emy is born via emergency c-section.

In the meantime, I had pumped, tried milk enhancing herbs, and refused Rx medication for milk production (too many contradiction from my medical history) and still lost my milk. I never had it fully come in. I didn’t even get a chance to get discomfort from engorgement. I’ve returned to my pre-pregnancy weight, which was a surprise for me. Physical I guess I’m OK, even though the docs won’t release me to full duty for work. The incision is itching like crazy, there is one last stitch yet to dissolve. All in all, I’m OK.

Emily is still in the NICU. Shes now 3lbs 8oz and taking 34mls per feeding. She’s been off the vent once just over 24hrs. Shes on the vent again and this time she’s fighting another gram negative infection in the lungs. I’m starting to watch her o2 settings creep up again. Tonight she’s on 35% O2. Her bradys seam to be getting under control as is her acid reflux. She’s smiling more so I can only guess she’s having a lot more gas.

It’s her breathing that bothers me so much. Her lungs are radding. I can feel it when I touch her.She’s making more secretions than previously. I don’t know if it’s because they had to reintubate her or not. Her own breathing right now is fairly shallow and rapid, even though her o2 sats are hovering high 80’s to low 90’s.

I know the NICU is a roller coaster ride. I know there isn’t much I can do about feeling helpless right now. I know I have to take it a day at a time.
But tonight I found out one of the other babies didn’t make it, no matter how hard he fought. He had been on and off the oscillator. It really hurt to see where his isolate had been was empty when this morning he was still there. I only found out that he died because his aunt was fairly distraught, as we rode the elevator to the Maternity floor.

I want to cry for him and his family and I can’t. My eyes water but the tears won’t flow.


About Isabella LeCour

She is nothing more than the collections of thoughts placed into the virtual worlds. She is a poet, a mother, a lover, many things to different people. But mostly, she is nothing but smoke and mirrors - some ethereal thing that blinks in an out of existence.
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