This is something I’ve been ruminating on for a few weeks. I need help in accomplishing my goal of losing weight. It occurred to me that in essence I need a minder, an accountability partner to accomplish this.
It bothers me to admit this, that I’ve proven incapable of staying on task. It seems like such a little think like staying on track, to exercise, to eat right, to stay motivated.
The worst part is I don’t even know what i mean by accountability partner. I need reminders to stay on task. I need someway to stay motivated. I need that whip in a sense, someone who can cheer me one and tell me to get back up. I guess I need someone like a coach to help guide me in this process.
I don’t know where to find one. Half jokingly thinking about making a personal ad.
BBW seeks an Accountability Partner for the goal of weight loss. Expected at least a two year commitment or when target goal has been reached, whichever comes first, 270ish lbs to ideal weight of 145lbs.
Seeking an hands on, micromanaged approach to help support, maintain and develop better life skills, help create and maintain target goals.
There are extreme challenges in this. Not only are there physical health concerns, currently under three different blood pressure medications but also some severe physiological instability, as in she’s fucking nuts and at times wakes up as different people and motivations.
Good news is she’s not drug user or an alcoholic. Still using a vaporizer but is stepping down the nicotine dosage. Coffee is just about four cups a day, two in the morning and two in the evenings. Not a big soda or junk food eater. Not a food sneaker. At times she does overeat due to emotions.
Mostly the biggest problem is between motivation and forgetfulness. Being DID has created numerous problems that i gotten used to and most around me don’t notice. I’m constantly playing catchup and that doesn’t work in weight loss.
I’m not an easy person to deal with as it turns out. I have very aggressive side who’s got a very cutting tongue. I have a side whose a damn bubble head of a seductress. And worse now is there is a kid who well, she’s trouble when she comes out. There is a guy but he’s the gatekeeper of traumatic memories but he’s a stubborn sort and does show up much.
I’ve got triggers. Some I know and more I don’t. I can’t touch peanut butter. Don’t ask why. Don’t ask me to eat it either. I can be jumpy. I have cptsd and it’s why I’m hyper alert.
I’ve got a lot stacked against me. I’m not afraid to admit I need some help.